When a Brush Won’t Do
Sometimes a simple paint brush or paint roller won’t get the job done. How does the Paint Machine work? I’m not fluent in French, but here’s my own translation of the words on the box: It’s enough to _____ pump and paint. Use it doesn’t matter where INSIDE or OUTSIDE. Use it with an ordinary roller that’s 9½” bigger and doesn’t matter what texture.
From the picture on the box, it seems like the Paint Machine might eliminate the task of dipping a brush/roller into paint. I should’ve taken the thing out of the box to get a closer look. What I love about the box is that the picture of the woman in a kerchief on the side of the Paint Machine’s jug is the same as the picture of the woman in a kerchief on side of the box. It’s a picture within a picture. C’est Superbe!
Letter to Steven Spielberg No. 5
I left another letter for Steven Spielberg today. I haven’t heard from him since receiving last week’s letter. He’s probably been busy with brainstorming film ideas. I bet his head is a warehouse-sized storage centre of ideas. I have tons and tons of ideas, too. Maybe Steven Spielberg will want to collaborate with me on a project.
I just had a memory/vision of an enormous rolling rock chasing “Weird Al” Yankovic. I typed “enormous rolling rock chases Weird Al” into the YouTube search field and didn’t find what I was looking for. Then I typed “rock chases Weird Al like Indiana Jones” and found a clip of a rolling rock chasing “Weird Al”! It’s a video clip from UHF—a film I barely remember since the last time I watched it was years and years ago. Maybe I should watch UHF again. Maybe I’ll put UHF on hold at the library.
Here’s my letter inconspicuously secured to Steven Spielberg’s bicycle with a little elastic:
Letter to Steven Spielberg No. 4
I found Steven Spielberg’s bicycle again this morning. He didn’t leave another letter for me, but I wrote a fourth letter to him anyhow. This letter in response to the letter he wrote to me last week. I noticed that he picked up today’s letter earlier in the day than usual. I hope someone else didn’t take it!
I need to borrow those Indiana Jones movies from the library. Did you know that you can put 60 items on hold at once at the Toronto Public Library? Did you know you can also put pedometers on hold at the library? And that the library has 963 pedometers in circulation? If you borrow a pedometer from the library, you could easily keep track of how many steps it would take you to walk from the library to your home.
Here is today’s letter attached to Steven Spielberg’s bicycle (appropriately named Steven Spielberg):
Retrofy Your Living Room
Retrofy your living room with this exquisite vinyl sofa. It would look great on harvest gold wall-to-wall carpeting, against a burnt orange wall, across from a macrame owl wall hanging, and under a bulbous, amber dangling lamp.
Warning: If you wear a velour track suit when sitting on this sofa, you’ll slide off and land on your wall-to-wall carpeting. Ouch! Instead, wear the velour track suit when sitting on your tweed armchair. To be safe and get the most out of this sofa while staying fashionable, wear your denim track suit.
NOTE: Letters to Steven Spielberg will resume as soon as I see his bike again. I’m still so excited that he wrote to me!
Letter to Steven Spielberg No. 3
I’m very, very, very excited that Steven Spielberg wrote a letter to me.
Before I headed home from his bike’s parking spot today, I wrote him a third letter. You know the part of E.T. when E.T. is dying and there are lots of people in white surrounding him and they’ve got tubes and medical knives and medical scissors et cetera? That scene freaked me out! I hope Spielberg doesn’t take offense to my initial reaction to his great film.
(See how I kept my enthusiasm to a minimum in this letter? I didn’t want to come across as an overly crazed fan.)
Here is today’s letter to Steven Spielberg elasticized to his bicycle:
Letter From Steven Spielberg
Steven Spielberg wrote me a letter! He left it elasticized to his bike this morning. This is what the letter says:
To A Big Fan
I am really enjoying my time in Toronto, thank you. It is a very nice city. You should consider yourself lucky to live here.
I’m glad also that you like E.T. It is definitely the one movie people tend to want to talk to me about (very nostalgic for some I think). Thinking back, I am probably most proud of Raiders of the Lost Ark, though people tend not to want [to talk] about that one as much. Did you hear that George and I are working on a fifth one? Between you and I, let’s hope it’s better than the last one.
I did see the super moon and it was gigantic. I kind of wish we could have the super moon all the time, but I guess we are bound by laws of physics and other space things.
Thanks again for writing & all the best!
Steve.
______________________________________
Three things:
1. I’m thrilled by this response to my first two letters.
2. Steven Spielberg has nice handwriting.
3. I like that he wrote “physics and other space things.”
Letter to Steven Spielberg No. 2
FAQ on Writing Letters to Steven Spielberg:
Q: What’s better than writing one letter to Steven Spielberg?
A: Writing more than one letter to Steven Spielberg.
I wrote another letter to Steven Spielberg today. I hope he had a chance to read it before it started to rain. (I don’t think Spielberg would be impressed to find a soggy piece of paper covered in runny ink elasticized to his bicycle.) I figured Steven Spielberg likes astronomy as much as he likes bicycles because of the bicycle-across-the-moon scene in E.T.
I left the letter to Steven Spielberg attached to his bicycle (Steven Spielberg) once again:
Letter to Steven Spielberg
I found Steven Spielberg’s bicycle a couple weeks ago. If it’s not actually Steven Spielberg’s bicycle, it’s either a bicycle named Steven Spielberg or Steven Spielberg’s bicycle named Steven Spielberg. My guess is that it’s Steven Spielberg’s bicycle named Steven Spielberg. He’s probably in Toronto to shoot a film. Anyhow, I saw Spielberg’s bike again last week, and I saw it again this morning! I wrote a short letter to Spielberg and elasticized it to his bike. It’s true that E.T. was the first movie I ever saw in a cinema, and it’s true that I painted my nails toothpaste green on the weekend.
Here is Spielberg’s bicycle (Steven Spielberg) and the letter attached to it:
The Singing Saw
Photo: Gene Hardy, saw player extraordinaire.
I wrote an article about the singing saw for Toronto Standard.
Read it here!
Good Slogan. Really.
Dufferin Mall. Really.
What more could you want from a slogan? It’s short, to the point, catchy, unforgettable, and totally true. Dufferin Mall is really Dufferin Mall. Really.
The following ten slogans would not work as well:
1. Dufferin Mall. Just joking.
2. Dufferin Mall. Yeah right!
3. Dufferin Mall. Pffffft.
4. Dufferin Mall. It sure is.
5. Dufferin Mall. Ha!
6. Dufferin Mall. Ummmm…
7. Dufferin Mall. Seriously?
8. Dufferin Mall. Way to go.
9. Dufferin Mall. Uh huh.
10. Dufferin Mall. Not really.
